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Jon’s Kitchen Nightmare

At the tender age of 11, many years ago, Jon was enrolled in a grammar school in Cornwall. He had to that it was a decent school with a somewhat eccentric but dedicated staff with an enlightened outlook on things.

However, it did use many of the traditions of the day, those that taught sports and metal work relished the opportunity to concoct up short ‘manly’ nick names that they thought that the students wanted to call them so very fondly. Three of which that came to Jon’s mind are Skip, Gunner and Pip. Sticking to the militaristic way of teaching they would so kindly include a ritual of jovial sadism and humiliation that was in no doubt to Jon supposed to be a way of building his and his classmates character, to which didn’t really appeal that much… wonder why… To conclude this part of the story, Jon went with lessons in domestic science, a first for a male student.

Domestic science had absolutely nothing to do with science, but the class was all girls apart from Jon’s mate Cobb.

Their first lesson didn’t amount to much in terms of how challenging it seemed, make beans on toast and cocoa. Each pair of cooks was dispensed a work surface, sink and gas stove. After doing the ‘momentous’ task of putting the beans into a pan, the milk into a different pan and the already sliced bread under the grill, life was pretty fly. Jon soon found himself thinking that it was all just too easy, and in the same way that the first officer of the titanic might have nonchalantly asked for some Ice, Jon asked Cobb to scour for some plates to place the soon to be ready meal upon.

As soon as Cobb knelt down to open the cupboard next to the stove a number of unpleasant events started to arise within quick succession. Firstly, Jon realized that the beans were, shall we say ‘slightly’ overcooked. With quick thinking he tried to scrape them off the bottom of the pan, not realising that right next to that pan the milk pan was on the verge of declaring all out war with the toast that had at this point burst into flames.

To just his luck, or not… the teacher saw the situation and started to make headway towards Jon’s workstation. Unfortunately for her, she had not realised that one of Jon or Cobb had somehow managed to turn the gas on without lighting it and the pressure of the gas on the stove door pushed it slightly open.

It could have been the lit rings at the top of the stove or a piece of flaming toast falling but just as she approached the workstation the oven chose to explode, setting fire to Miss Pendragon’s light blue and white check house coat, creating a spectacular flame that left molten plastic stuck to her clothes, arms and legs. The force that the blast produced knocked the cupboard off that Cobb was right next to, conveniently enough putting him into a slight daze. This however put him out of action when the milk instead of attacking the awaiting flaming toast below attacked Cobb, but it did bring him back to reality.


With the only one still in action being Jon, he quickly doused both Miss Pendragon and Cobb with water that was meant to be thrown away elsewhere after being used to clean the floor. Oddly enough he received no thanks for his quick reactions… funny that huh…

The Home Birth

On a sunny day in June, Judy had just had her kitchen installed with a brand new island in the centre and the man installing it had left the premises.


As her partner arrived home she stated to enter into labour after being pregnant for 9 months with a baby girl. They had a phlebotomist on call for stem cell collection which they had arranged with a private cord storage bank, so her partner called the standby phlebotomist after getting Judy to lay down on a bed in the bedroom next door in their apartment. When the phlebotomist arrived 15 minutes later he had to wait in the kitchen where with the new kitchen island was able to set up a workspace to extract the cord blood and cord tissue from the umbilical cord blood in sanitary conditions after the baby arrived.

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